i want to go home now and since my shift at work is over, i will. I will miss my mommy who came to visit today but she'll be back in January. I found out I am not going to san jose for training in january cause they think I learned so much the first time i went that i don't need to go back. I was looking forward to getting the fuck out of minnesota for a week, then coming home only to turn around and go to florida for 10 days. That would have been like 16 days in january NOT in this shithole we call home. I'm thinking I won't retire in MN. rather be some place warmer. sorry. no can do no i can't go for that. telling you no i can't go for that.

I don't feel like writing down my thoughts today. But Jill expects me to do it so I guess I will give her something to read. There's all this pressure to be funny though and I don't think I can do it under this extreme pressure. The problem is, I care so much about what everybody thinks about me. I do give a rats ass, I DO. I like to try and sound all tough but really, I'm a slave to the thoughts of others. And candy. I eat waaay to much candy. I've been doing better lately though. I have only eaten a little candy today. The past few days I haven't had hardly any at all but I swear, some days when I get bored at work it's like I get this sweet tooth out of boredom and I found this huge candy stash at work and that is not good. It calls my name from downstairs. "Jeffy, you know you wanna eat me.....come on down and grab a few huge handfulls of my sweet deliciousness and stuff your face until you're satisfied Jeffy weffy!!!!" The problem is that I listen and now I have an extra 20 pounds to show for it. All in the gut. Nowhere else, just the gut. I feel like a little kid when I have that much candy. I mean all my self-control.......gone and before I know it the candy is too. Well, I have to go and um, yeah....go to the........bathroom, yeah.....that's it. Of coarse I'm not going to get candy. What would give you that idea........

my bonus should have been more.....

So my boss gave me a 80 on my individual performance multiplier and I should have gotten a 90 which would have given me almost $900 more in my bonus. Oh well, still a pretty good bonus. And it's still gonna be a great christmas. Maya and Jada are sooooo excited about Christmas this year. Zara doesn't give a rats ass. As long as you feed her on time, change her diaper and snuggle with her for a good couple hours a day she's happy. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.